This is, i believe, the most important of the lessons I have learned in this short time of being single. and it's a pretty simple one.
If someone makes a move on you and you aren't feeling it, you do NOT have to engage, reciprocate, or endulge them.
Now, I know this is a seemingly obvious one. However, I know there are people out there (like me) that are "people pleasers". I am so afraid of being called a tease, of disapointing a person I generally like as a friend, that I have entered into relationships (and for the sake of the argument, I define relationship as intimate time together. This may be one night, it may be 7 years) even when I wasn't really that excited for or convinced that I want to be in that relationship.
I'm sometimes not so good with my words, so I'm going to do my best to explain to you a huge gaping problem in relations between girls and guys without someone accusing me of being a man-hater. And I will do so via a story of personal experience.
Recently, in one of my classes, a man boy douchebag hit on me, made it apparent that he was interested in me. He was nice, sarcastic, (something I can appreciate, as I am also sarcastic) smart, and not a complete eye sore. He wasn't really the body type that I am attracted to, so I never really had that immediate physical attraction to him. Still, he was nice, so I talked to him, joked with him, and as he would flirt, I would respond in a friendly manner, while still being clear that I was not interested. He often stood too close to me and I would ask him to back up, he made comments about his physique and I made it clear that I wasn't attracted to it, however, we still talked. He offered to give me a ride to my car so I didn't have to take the bus a few times, (maybe 4 or 5) and we studied together twice once (that first time we ended up just eating).
The second time we got together to study, I had flirted with him by that time. I had told him that I could see myself liking him eventually because he was nice to me and smart. However, I had literally just ended a previous relationship two days prior and in no way was ready to move on.
This man/boy "made a move" on me. And I use that terminology loosely. He did so in a submissive way, waiting for me to make a move, which weirds me out personally because I prefer a man that is more decisive and actually makes a move, not one that just opens the door to opportunity and just wait for me to walk into him. Basically, I got a really bad gut feeling and decided I should leave, so I did. He was upset about this, though he told me he wasn't at first.
Later, (like, 2 days later) he proceeded to send me 43 text messages degrading me in every way possible because I didn't want to kiss him. Apparently, I was "playing games" with him. and then, somewhere in the middle, the truth came out. He was nice to me, took me to my car and studied with me, and since I accepted his kind gestures and talked to him on a regular basis, it was somehow EXPECTED that I kissed/screwed around with/had sex with him. I only stopped recieving text messages because I blocked his number. Granted, his opinion of me doesn't matter, still the things he was saying were hurtful, and I didn't need to subject myself to anymore bullshit from him.
Ladies, let me stress to you. you do not owe anyone ANYTHING that you are uncomfortable giving to them.
I unfortunately just figured this out. And I'm glad I did when I did, or else I would have ended up feeling obligated to sleep with a complete and utter psychopath with the maturity of a child. A bully.
That all being said, I think it was a wonderful way to begin my single life, because it was a great way to force me to accept that I can choose. I have my pick of people I could be with and I can be picky. I don't have to settle for any guy that makes me feel special for 5 minutes. I can and will wait for someone that is everything I'm looking for. which reminds me of another life lesson... which I will get to later (i need to learn moderation)
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